Braggadocio
by NeoVenus22
Summary: Vala harrasses the Atlantis boys. Set during Pegasus Project. [complete]


Spoilers: 10x03, 'The Pegasus Project'. Originally written 10/23/06.

Disclaimer: no one mentioned belongs to me.

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Vala is surprised when Rodney McKay approaches her. She's incredibly out of his league, and besides, she's seen how exasperated Samantha gets when his name is brought up. He has a crush on Samantha, and if there's anything Vala's learned from her stay among the Tau'ri, a crush leaves little room for anything else in one's mind.

Sure enough, when he pauses next to her in the cafeteria, he's barely even registering her as the devastatingly gorgeous, clever and capable alien woman she is. "Are Carter and Col. Mitchell sleeping together?" he demands.

Vala raises an eyebrow. She happens to know that Col. Mitchell thinks of Samantha as a sister; he'd told her as much one night, the only time he'd ever really talked to her. Sam had been there for him a few times when he really needed her, he'd said, and she was the closest thing to family he'd had in awhile.

Mitchell's word is enough for her, but she decides to keep his statement in confidence. It was the only time he'd displayed any level of real trust in her, and Vala is determined to prove that she can, on occasion, be trusted. Besides, she thinks the nature of their relationship speaks for itself. Instead, she paints a bright smile and leans towards Rodney eagerly. "What makes you think that?"

Rodney rolls his eyes as if she's stupid, and she tries not to take offense, because from the reports, he's like that with everyone. "He doesn't leave her side, for one. He's like a lapdog." He stares. "You do know what a lapdog is, don't you?" She's heard the phrase, and can't help noting the relative truth of the statement. She nods, but he's moved on already. "He's always... _watching_ her. And he won't let me anywhere near her." Vala swallows a smile, she can almost understand the sentiment.

Except in her case, the only person keeping her from Daniel was Daniel himself. For some inexplicable reason, Daniel simply isn't interested in her advances, even though this time, Vala is entirely sincere. Hell, even the first time they'd met, she'd been relatively sincere.

"If you and Samantha were sleeping together," she says carefully, and the way he colors indicates that he's thought about it on multiple occasions, "would you let others talk to her?"

"Well, yes, of course I would, I'm not a monster."

"I'm sure," she agrees with a wide smile, though from everything she's heard about Rodney and has gleaned by watching him herself, she is relatively certain that Rodney would never let Samantha out of his sight. He leans over his food slightly, as though guarding it from grabby hands, and Vala has had enough of Atlantis food to understand no one would want to steal it. And she understands many people want to steal Col. Samantha Carter, not that she is in a position to be stolen. At least, not from Col. Mitchell.

Now, stealing Col. Mitchell was in the realm of possibility, if a girl put her mind to it. And Vala has been putting her mind to it, and to Daniel, and she's not altogether opposed to Muscles, because she's only ever had one Jaffa, and Teal'c at least has a sense of humor. In comparison. There are also several members of lesser Stargate teams she's eying: burly, delicious airmen who are not half as stoic as they appear.

And now, there's an entire new galaxy's worth of excellent-looking men. She leans forward eagerly, figuring on killing two birds with one stone, and says, "Are you and Col. Sheppard sleeping together?"

Rodney splutters around a mouthful of food, a particularly unattractive quality that leaves no question as to why Samantha isn't fond of him, and says, "Excuse me?"

Vala drums her fingers on the edge of her lunch tray with casual grace, and continues, "Well, by your logic, there are clear indications as to what defines a clandestine romantic relationship." She ticked the items off on her fingers: "Lapdog behavior, exhibited by yourself, because you seem to often be two steps behind the lovely Col. Sheppard, salivating for table scraps of his attention. And the bickering factors heavily. I've seen enough Earth television now to know that you sound very much like married couples on TV Land." It's quite amusing, watching the way he reddens like various vegetables on his tray. He's moved from unripe tomato to a rich radish, and is progressing ever closer to beet.

"For your information, the colonel and I are as about as involved as, as you and that breadstick," he blusters.

Vala grins with triumph, and chews the breadstick in question. "You put him in your mouth?" she says, and delights in the way he almost chokes. He has at least had the sense to keep food items away from his mouth for the duration of his meeting with Vala, so now he's just choking on his own embarrassment.

"He's not... I'm not... Carter..."

"If he's not involved with you," she takes an elaborate sip, "than whom?"

Rodney goes from horrified to offended in a split second as he figures it out, and he rolls his eyes skyward. "Oh, of course."

"Is that a no?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," he threatens, but doesn't follow through. "This happens all the time, you know, the women, and I _knew_ he was flirting with Carter in the meeting, I _knew_ it! Carson said I was being paranoid, but how would he know, he wasn't there." She wonders if he ever stops for breath. It doesn't matter, though, because she's already tiring of the conversation. She's gotten what she wanted, information, with the side bonus of flustering Dr. McKay. He was much easier to fluster than Daniel or Col. Mitchell.

His tirade appears to be over, not that Vala was listening to the last half of it, and she rises languidly. He watches, of course, eyes scraping over the whole of her body, how could he not watch? Vala rewards his effort with an impish grin, and perhaps it's because of this that he feels the need to add, "I should warn you about Sheppard."

Vala's grin grows wider, and she pats his head with amused pity. "You should warn him about me."


End file.
